lance (thelance) wrote,

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although i've seen the video of the second jet crashing in to the tower 50 (maybe 100?) times, it still does not seem real. all of today seems like a dream, make that nightmare.

i first heard of today's tragedy around 6:20am on the san diego transit bus #81 while on el cajon blvd. a guy got on saying two planes had crashed into the world trade center. i couldn't believe him. i remember saying "you've got be joking". then, before he answered, i thought maybe he means small planes. but no, he reaffirmed these were large passenger jets.

when i got off the bus, i practically ran to the lab. still thinking "i hope he's wrong". when i get there, NO news websites were responding. it was then i started to believe what i had heard. i was finally able to get some confirmation from news. i was also able to get information from mariemontclair and another online friend.

i was still the only person at the lab. i had to talk to someone to make sure this had not really happened. i called my dad. he had just gotten off the phone with my mom. she had told him about the crashes. she works for a federal (civilian navy) here in SD. things were crazy there. but my dad, too, confirmed.

two planes into the wtc, one at the pentagon, and i thought someone said something about the whitehouse. fear came over me. this is it. it's the end.

still the only person at work, i frantically tried to get more information., down., down. argh!!!!

the more information i recieved the less i was fearfull, the more i was saddend. my co-workers finally arrived as did patrons. i had people to talk to. and slowly i was able to get more information online.

my shift went incredibly slow this morning.

i knew my family was ok. or did i? my sister has in michigan for the past week and a half. i almost thought today was when they were supposed to come home. no, that's tomorrow. hopefully. her fiance is a marine. what if he get's deployed. i know now the chances of that are small at this time. thank god.

when my shift ended at 10, i ate part of my lunch. and called home again. my mom was home and OK. she had talked to my sister. she was ok. my grandparents in northern CA were ok. my family was ok.

i wanted to go home. but i told my other supervisor (for the library website) that i would be up today. and i also had a class at 4pm. so i go up stairs. i'm there for not even 15 minutes, and get told to go home. so i go.

on the bus, everyone is talking about the disaster. i can feel my fear and sadness start turning in to anger. you can't do this to the US and get away with it. there will be hell to pay.

i get home and am some incredibly happy to see my parents. i don't know if i've ever been more happy to see them. the TV was on and i sat down to watch the days events for the first time.

it looks like movie. or something from another country. this can't be the REAL new york. shock and horror have completly set in now. the anger has subsided; there is no room for it anymore.

although there were no confirmations, it was concievable there could be gas/oil shortages or rationing. we decide to get gas. while out i hear some very patriotic music. i feel proud to be an american. but i get home, the tv is still on. shock.

it's now several hours later. the TV is still on. the videos keep getting replayed and replayed. but i still can't believe it's real.

they're now reporting 200+ NY fire/police/medical workers are either dead or missing. close to 100 people dead at the pentagon. 266 on the airplanes. that's more than 500 already. then the thousands of people in the WTC itself? what for? what does this accomplish?

i'm still in shock. i'm sure i will be, like much of the rest of the country, for several days. my anger will return, as will the sadness. i won't be afraid though. that's what they want, right?

if you actually read all of this, thank you. i didn't mean for you too. i just needed to get it all out. it took me nearly an hour to write this, but i'm leaving the time i started on the post.
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